Why did I bootstrap everything? Why no investors, no conventional team, multiple rebuilds — and always the same name? In this reflective episode, recorded from my brand new 'praktijk', I trace it all back to one thread: a lifelong distrust of the ready-made.
I name it directly — PDA, Pathological Demand Avoidance, in a way part of the autism/ADHD spectrum — and explain how understanding my own neurology made sense of my business decisions. When external demands register as threats, copied structures don't just feel wrong. They won't last.
I illustrate it through fashion, through interiors, through a painting I rescued from the side of the road last week. These aren't separate tendencies. They're the same one.
And through everything — the rebuilds, the years of uncertainty, the moments of near-bitterness — the thing that kept me going was curiosity. Not optimism, though I have that too. Curiosity. The thing that keeps the question open and the learning stance available.
The episode closes with three reflection questions: a small Wayfinding exercise for anyone who suspects they've been performing someone else's blueprint.
Five Key Takeaways
- PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) makes external blueprints unsustainable, not just uncomfortable. If your nervous system treats demands as threats, you need a structure built from your own roots — not someone else's.
- Business decisions that look chaotic from the outside can reflect deep alignment from the inside. Bootstrapping, rebuilding, staying close to the work — these can be acts of integrity.
- The same instinct that makes you refuse a pre-assembled aesthetic belongs in your business. Distrust of the ready-made is information you can work with.
- Curiosity is more durable than optimism. You don't have to believe everything will be fine to stay curious about why things work, who they work for, and what's actually happening.
- Roots work takes time and has no right answers. The three questions in this episode — about tolerating, rebuilding, and staying curious — are a starting point, not a formula.